Divorce Custody Lawyer
Q.I'm divorced; abusive marriage, all the nasty divorce/custody/support/pain and confusion for kids, etc. My current SO is also divorced; all the nastiness too. I always try to be objective when talking to others...just because my ex was abusive doesn't mean all men are...just because his ex is vindictive doesn't mean all ex-wives are etc. The problem arises when a good friend of my SO (really!) begins to confide of the troubles in his marriage. She left him, she is now living with the "friend", she left the kids with Dad, she's not paying support although she has been buying the kids clothes and paying half of groceries. He agreed to take on the majority of debt, it is quite a considerable amount. They felt that they could be amicable and do this with very little help from lawyers. Although my SO and I were skeptical because of our own experiences, we supported him in every way we could hoping that this could be amicable. So for the last two months we have been hearing things that set off alarm bells...she brings the 'friend' to the house for visitation, she has been wishy-washy about whether the marriage is over or not. We hurt for our friend but he seemed adamant about not using lawyers. Two nights ago the SO spoke to him and now it seems that she wants a huge payout from his pension and is telling him that he is being "mean" for not wanting to agree with this. I know what my instinct is telling me and we finally urged him to see a lawyer and get interim custody of the kids. He still doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy. I'm just questioning if we are right in urging him to get the lawyers into it...I hate the thought of a court battle because I know firsthand how destructive it is but we also don't want to see him lose custody of the kids or taken for a financial ride. Any comments? What would you suggest to a poster in these circumstances?
A.I would not hesitate to recommend a lawyer for your friend. Everyone likes to bash lawyers and tell lawyer jokes until they need a good one. Whether or not people like how lawyers use the system for their own gain..the system exists. Whether lawyers created the "divorce monster" or whether or not the monster created them doesn't matter. The situation is what it is. It is nasty. It is personal. And, the rights to children are involved. A good, objective lawyer will protect the rights of their client and see the situation clearly. They will also know how to use the legal system to their client's best advantage. Tell him to buy the best damn lawyer he can afford. Get references, and find out who has successfully handled similar cases before you choose one. The decisions made now will affect your friend's life for a very very very long time I crack as many lawyer jokes as anybody. However legal advice isn't just a good idea, it's a requirement when the issues your friend has are present. Even if they can sort out a deal between them a lawyer's advice is worth considering in knowing what is important and what to put on the table in crafting a deal. Custody isues can impact him for the next 15 plus years of his life. He needs a clear understanding of his parental rights and the legal steps he needs to take to ensure he keeps those rights. My advice to anyone in this corner is to feel with your heart, but think with your head. Now is not the time to worry over looking like the bad guy. Now is the time to make informed decisions.
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